Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

                A key part of cultivating a strong and good marriage is having a strong friendship with the other person. Gottman stressed this point in his Book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, one point that he talked about was that it isn’t about avoiding conflict in a relationship because conflict is going to happen, but instead it’s about how you fight and approach conflict. Marriages that last involve couples who for every negative also have 5 positive things to back up the negative. Reflecting back on the positive experiences within the marriage help so when conflict arises, couples have good things to fall back on.

                A great example to me of marriage is my parents. My Mom has always said that my Dad is her best friend. They talk often and enjoy each other’s company, they don’t necessarily like the same things, but they enjoy spending time together and like talking with each other about everything. When they have conflicts they are quick to forgive one another. They have had many conflicts over the years and they aren’t perfect, but they constantly communicate and they take time together and make their marriage a priority.

                Being divorced I can see the mistakes that can ruin a relationship, but I have also learned what I want to do differently in my next relationship. The biggest thing is I want to find someone who is my best friend first and foremost. Someone who I want to tell everything to and enjoy spending time with. I want to be good about accentuating the positive and when there is conflict, discussing it in a respectful and kind manner. I want to look at it as building an eternal friendship with someone and treating the person like I treat my closest friends. I feel like we sometimes get lost in the “relationship” aspect of things, that we forget that this person is our closest and most important friend and we should be treating them as such.

                One of my favorite quotes from my study this week was from Elder Jospeh B Wirthlin:

“Sometimes the greatest love is not found in the dramatic scenes that poets and writers immortalize. Often, the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the path of life. True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us.”