I used to read articles about the effects of divorce on children, and how divorce was so destructive, but it wasn’t until I actually divorced my spouse of 8 years, that I saw firsthand the negative effects of divorce. Take into account first of all the emotional struggle and pain that is associated with divorcing someone.
“A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce” (Oaks 2007).
I have been divorced for a year and I still have pain and emotional struggles that accompany that decision.
Perhaps a more damaging effect of divorce, other than just initial pain and suffering, is the effect is has on the children involved in a divorce. I have found that my own children, and other children I have interacted with who have gone through a divorce, will say things like “when WE got divorced.” Often we think of divorce as just being between two people, husband and wife, without considering that the children as well are going through the divorce. They lose their family as it was and a lot of changes come from that. Statistically children who live with a single parent struggle more with depression, lower grades, anger and are more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs in the future. Being a divorced single mother I loathe these statistics because I feel guilt for getting divorced, especially when I see the effects it has on my children. I have found comfort in reading an article recently that compared children living with divorced parents vs children living with discordant parents and found that they exhibited similar problems. The article went on to state:
“…some studies show that children with discordant parents are worse off than children with divorced parents” (Amato 80).
If parents are fighting in front of the children, and it’s a hostile or abusive environment it is in the best interest of the children to divorce. That study brought me comfort for my own situation.
The word divorce is tossed around a lot these days, and after going through a divorce myself the advice that I give all of my married friends going through struggles is that divorce isn’t something to be taken lightly. It has lasting effects on everyone involved and EVERY marriage goes through struggles. Enduring those struggles together and trying absolutely everything possible before divorce is always my recommendation.
I know that a lot of people worry about divorce, and then don’t want to marry, but some great advise that I recently read really stuck with me:
“ The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well” (Oaks 2007).
I have noticed a pattern among my friends, and those who quickly entered into a marriage (without taking the time to date, court, and really get to know the person) soon found that the person they married oftentimes weren’t who they initially thought they were. My go to phrase in possibly getting remarried again is: If they are the right person today, than they will be the right person 6 months or a year from now. I want to take the time to truly get to know someone, to see how they react to various situations, and to get to know their character. I feel like taking time and not rushing into anything is always wise, and will help to prevent divorce in the future.
Sources for this post:
Amato, Paul. R. (2005). Vol 15, No 2, Pg 75-90. The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.
Oaks, Dallin. H. (2007, May). Divorce. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng
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