Same Sex Marriage

         Marriage has changed through-out history, but has remained an important part of our society. It represents the joining of two families and them becoming one. It represents love, commitment and a focus outward rather than inward. It is the choice to put your own selfishness aside to think about someone else, and put their needs before your own.
“The centrality of marriage to the human condition makes it unsurprising that the institution has existed for millennia and across civilizations. Since the dawn of history, marriage has transformed strangers into relatives, binding families and societies together. Confucius taught that marriage lies at the foundation of government” (Obergefell v Hodges 2015).
            How we label marriage has changed over the centuries. Early on in the development of the United States, slavery was rampant and African American’s weren’t given the right to marry. Before that marriage was arranged by parents and the marrying couple had little to no say in who they were to marry. Woman also had no rights and once married all their property belonged to their husband, therefore they couldn’t make any financial decisions without the approval of their husband. Times have changed and in a lot of ways for the better. Woman have more rights and are independent, we are free to choose who we want to marry, and all races have that same right. That begs the question, then why does it matter if homosexuals also marry? Here is a quote from Russell M. Nelson that answers that question:
“Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad” (Nelson 2014).
While it is possible for homosexual couples to adopt, or have children in other forms, ultimately children grow and develop best when they have both a mother and a father. That is the basis for families and marriage within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and why the church teaches that marriage should be between a man and a woman.
Sources for this Post:
Nelson, Russell M. (2014, Aug. 14). Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage. Brigham Young University Commencement.  (Links to an external site.)
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Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States

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Deafening Silence: Divorce

                I used to read articles about the effects of divorce on children, and how divorce was so destructive, but it wasn’t until I actually divorced my spouse of 8 years, that I saw firsthand the negative effects of divorce. Take into account first of all the emotional struggle and pain that is associated with divorcing someone.

“A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce” (Oaks 2007).

I have been divorced for a year and I still have pain and emotional struggles that accompany that decision.

                Perhaps a more damaging effect of divorce, other than just initial pain and suffering, is the effect is has on the children involved in a divorce. I have found that my own children, and other children I have interacted with who have gone through a divorce, will say things like “when WE got divorced.” Often we think of divorce as just being between two people, husband and wife, without considering that the children as well are going through the divorce. They lose their family as it was and a lot of changes come from that. Statistically children who live with a single parent struggle more with depression, lower grades, anger and are more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs in the future. Being a divorced single mother I loathe these statistics because I feel guilt for getting divorced, especially when I see the effects it has on my children. I have found comfort in reading an article recently that compared children living with divorced parents vs children living with discordant parents and found that they exhibited similar problems. The article went on to state:

“…some studies show that children with discordant parents are worse off than children with divorced parents” (Amato 80).

If parents are fighting in front of the children, and it’s a hostile or abusive environment it is in the best interest of the children to divorce. That study brought me comfort for my own situation.

                The word divorce is tossed around a lot these days, and after going through a divorce myself the advice that I give all of my married friends going through struggles is that divorce isn’t something to be taken lightly. It has lasting effects on everyone involved and EVERY marriage goes through struggles. Enduring those struggles together and trying absolutely everything possible before divorce is always my recommendation.

                I know that a lot of people worry about divorce, and then don’t want to marry, but some great advise that I recently read really stuck with me:

 “ The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well” (Oaks 2007).

I have noticed a pattern among my friends, and those who quickly entered into a marriage (without taking the time to date, court, and really get to know the person) soon found that the person they married oftentimes weren’t who they initially thought they were. My go to phrase in possibly getting remarried again is: If they are the right person today, than they will be the right person 6 months or a year from now. I want to take the time to truly get to know someone, to see how they react to various situations, and to get to know their character. I feel like taking time and not rushing into anything is always wise, and will help to prevent divorce in the future.

Sources for this post:

Amato, Paul. R. (2005). Vol 15, No 2, Pg 75-90.  The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.

Oaks, Dallin. H. (2007, May). Divorce. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.